Many people get the blues on Monday — it’s back to work after the weekend, your time is no longer your own. I understand that. But for me, the down day has always been Sunday. On Sunday, I either feel depressed because my life is not where I want it to be, or I’m in a mad frenzy to fix said life and catch up on all the things I should have done during the week (month, year).
More often than not, I feel pretty down. But my mind is always working on Sunday. I think of all the things I ought to do and haven’t done; I plot about how to ditch the things I don’t like and do things differently. It’s not always about writing. It’s about different aspects of life — about what I’m willing to do and what I’d have to do to get where I want to be.
I guess, truthfully, maybe I’m a control freak. Which is why I am a better writer than a faithful reader. If there is something I don’t about a book (as with life) I want to push it aside.
Luckily, today I’m in one of my frenzy moods, and I’m getting things done — which is probably owing to the fact that I have been very excited about my progress on Dark Depths, but as I wind down my editing and prepare to publish, I feel a hole forming. I’ll need to start a new project soon or I’m going to feel the same way again. I’ve been thinking about what I want to do next…
Today I’m in a ‘go big or go home’ mindset as I think about my next book. I want bigger things for it than I’ve done in the past. Bigger will require putting myself out there on a larger scale than I’m used to. It will mean more money out of my pocket to start, and I can only hope for a return. Then there is the fear. I don’t always feel fear when I publish. It’s encouraging to know that I have fans eagerly awaiting my next book, but as I think of attracting more attention, I worry that those who will find my work won’t be those who’ll like it. Can my work really stand up to to what’s out there? In the front of my mind, I know that it can, but somewhere in the back there is a little nagging voice that says ‘maybe not’.
Maybe this little bit of anxiety is good. It means I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and pursuing something bigger. It’s taking a risk that might play out just as I’d want. On the same token, it might return something I don’t want, but I won’t know it until I give it a try.
I’ll be giving some details about Dark Depths soon, hopefully in the form of a video, announcing the release date and talking about the book a bit – what I intend to do with it. So it’s time to ditch these blues and be excited again. There’s a lot to do!